Domestic Abuse (lots of why, but answers?)

So I just saw a report on Sky News that one of their own sports presenters is going to run 250 miles in seven days to raise awareness of domestic abuse and all I can is, bloody well done and the best of luck to her.

http://news.sky.com/story/1201101/charlie-webster-on-the-run-for-victims-of-abuse

But hang on, is that all I can say? Err no.

The cause to which Charlie Webster under takes is admirable and heroic in my opinion, having been a victim of abuse herself, I myself also first hand, this is clearly an issue in society close to our hearts as it should be with everyone; however, it is the constant cause that never seems to be a means to an end. 

What do I mean by that?

Do we really need more “awareness”? Do we really need to keep asking “why”? My answer to that is twofold, obviously awareness and why is always in need of constant replenishment in the minds of us all, but that is simply not going far enough. 

Why? Because we have lots of awareness, lots of people asking why, very few or else no one is providing answers and this is the real issue here. 

It is a very risky thing to say, “I understand why that person raped you!” it’s a very risky thing to say, “I know why that person beat you up at home!” it’s a very risky thing to say, “I understand why that paedophile molested that child!”  It is in fact, social suicide and/or street cred annihilation. 

If I was to say any of the aforementioned statements; immediately, I would be seen as having sympathy for the devil, simply because the word “understand” is anecdotally synonymous with understanding and sympathy as well as care and allowance for the perpetration of these criminal acts. 

And here within lies the problem, what if “understand” was synonymous with science, psychiatry, comprehension of the complexity of individualism and above all else, education.   For example, actor Patrick Stewart, whose father beat up his mother on regular occasions, later discovered that his father had undiagnosed shell shock or the modern equivalent of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and now he says he campaigns for both the awareness & stoppage of domestic violence as well as the all important understanding as to the cause of it, but Patrick Stewart is only one man.

It is not good enough to send a perpetrator of violence to anger management classes when they may have, for argument sakes, severe alcohol or drug addiction, undiagnosed psychosis or schizophrenia (when voices convince the patient to abuse) or DID – Dissociative Identity Disorder where the individual’s mind has created a violent personality, or as was the case with Patrick Stewart’s father, undiagnosed PTSD; is anger management or basic counselling really that affective in situations such as this?

Every attacker is as individual as their victims so thus, unless we resist this constant desire to use the paint of generalisation and tar all with the same brush of convenience, we simply will never be able to comprehend the answers to “why” once we have the “awareness”.

Unfortunately, it is a social ill in the mindset of society that the “awareness” and the “why” is acceptable but the understanding of it, is seen as unethical thus written into law as well as the cut backs, the lack of science and the embellishment into the psyche of the many that “understanding” in these cases is a facade to evil; it simply isn’t, and here within is a real problem.

Don’t get me wrong, under no circumstances does this go in any way a direction of excusing domestic violence or abuse of any kind; it is a violent act, due process must take place and it must stop, but it won’t unless we answer these questions.

   

So thus, I truly feel that we need to enter a very uncomfortable and new dimension of thinking to ever truly answer the question, “why” and to ever bring about real awareness and real change by tackling the psychological determinants of abuse, the mindset of perpetrators and the ultimate goal of all the aforementioned as a coming about of social healing in the way of, a cure, imagine that? Would be nice wouldn’t it?

Thank you for reading

VisionGhost

Sex & Sexuality

Sex & Sexuality

This has been something I’ve wanted to write for a very long time but never really knew where to actually begin, as so much comes to mind, so logically I came up with the idea of the start to finish approach. This might take some time, I mean after all, who can actually remember when their pubes started growing from bald to full bush, anyone? No because one day you awoke and you suddenly required a Flymo...

For sex is something I take EXTREMELY seriously, I can’t even stand people making a joke out of sex, it’s immature and tedious in my opinion. Too many people do not grasp the greatness and wonder of the physical condition in a moment of an ultimate and absolute amalgamation.

As an Aspie I have differing views on most things simply because NT’s, herd around whatever sounds or feels good, often making a joke out of it or apply negative sentiment to something they cannot fathom or have the intellect to do so; however, I, as most Aspies do, I went the other way and wanted to look into this deeper, as a result I’ve done/seen things I regret but I’ve also enjoyed many more positive experiences and continue to do so. 

Where are we going wrong?...

Think about it, when did sex become truly liberated, in truth, it hasn’t, the “revolution” started in the late 1960’s and progressed happily throughout the 1970’s, the whole free love thing before becoming glamorous in the 80’s, utterly exploited in the 90’s and now here we are in the modern 21^st century frankly confused and disorientated; we can’t even teach it properly in schools.

For one thousand, nine hundred and sixty odd year’s, religion, church and politics had a choke hold on sex. A bare ankle would put a priest into cardiac arrest and then the police would arrest the owner of said bare ankle for “indecent exposure,” oh sure, then arrest every baby ever born naked, we are most beautiful in our skin but fashion screwed that up too, but use sex appeal to sell their attire, somewhat there is a sense of irony in that.

So now here we are, sex is projected to the eyes, dumped into the cerebral cortex and into ones right hand; but speaketh, doeth and heareth of this is still a sin. We are albeit more liberated but frankly confused. A child can access a half naked Rihanna squealing about bondage but we cannot teach a child the sentiments of sexuality in the school he/she attends.

I think the problem is, that the revolution and demand for sexual liberation is happening far too fast and is far too powerful for church or politician to control, thus we have now, not a revolution, but an all out cold war on sex.  On one hand we have parents who come from a generation of control who can now fuck to all hours but are terrified of the thought of their offspring doing the same thing; a media that exploit sex every minute of every day while church and politicians tell us it’s wrong to view it but give free licence for its broadcast while schools treat the actual weapon against this confusion, which is of course, knowledge and education, as if their handling an unstable nuclear device.

When I was in my late teens, this debate about sex education in schools was brought up on the radio, they interviewed a 14yr old boy who said and I quote...

“They teach you how to do it but they don’t teach about all the pervy stuff!”  I thought to myself, that 14yr old kid has just hit the nail on the head.  

What do schools actually teach... say this in a mocking French accent and you’ll get the picture...

“When daa penus is ewect put on da condom and insert into da vadina, wocking motioon between da partner;, dis weel cos ejaack-a-lation, widwaw penus gripping condom!”  Oh please, that isn’t sex, that’s a ridiculously clumsy way to prevent unwanted breeding. 

In education, we need to say it like it is, which is when my ten year old daughter asks me what something is, she gets an honest answer; and for those who say that’s wrong and the god fearing church lovers who say I will burn in hell, well, if my daughter becomes a teenage pregnancy statistic you’ll be saying, as well as the politician and the schools, the same thing.

In knowledge and truth there is education and direction, it’s that simple, but too many have complicated the hell out of it, as yet there still exists this paranoid stigma left over from the centuries of control; it’s practically a genetically inspired mental aptitude to do it wrong, a faulty component that refuses to be shed; time to remove it like a defective circuit from a machine desperately trying to shine into life. 

Moving on...

Like any Aspie I have my obsessions and one of them is anything erotic, I said erotic not pornographic, trust me there is a massively broad distinction between the two.  In truth I love the female form; I don’t like size zero models and I don’t like a woman who doesn’t look after herself, it’s a point of self respect I guess. But in saying that, even a larger lady can look sexy; I’ve always said; if you want to be beautiful and sexy then be nothing more than naked. 

I’ve maxed out an external hard drive with my collection of beautiful women, not for the glory of self pleasure or because I am some deluded sex maniac, but for the sheer appreciation of Mother Nature's best, even as an Atheist, Mother Nature should be revered as a deity, our world would be in greater shape if we did, however I digress! 

From head to toe women are beautiful; however, I have my preferences like any man does; I like bright eyes, no darker than hazel; I prefer ample breasts but shapely and meaningful as womanly, curves are essential, not too muscular and for god sakes I have no issue with a little bit of weight, it simply proves your human. In attire I prefer anything that accentuates curvature.  A scar means you have a story to tell, a defect proves you’re alive and Photoshop is the darkest enemy of reality.

A woman who is sexually confident with intelligence and a sense of responsibility is as alluring as a very fine wine over a luxurious meal in a top notch swanky restaurant where the celebrities nosh down perfection, however, they take it for granted, I don’t, a truly beautiful woman should be revered as a Goddess not some plaything for little boys to “get their end away” within. 

That whole, “corr, get agh loada of ‘er” thing really does nothing for me nor for the woman concerned, come on boys, try to be men, even in a world of Justin Bieber, lets at least try!

Upon the act of sex...

So now we get down to business as they say; the greatest pleasure on Earth, besides getting paid, is having sex, not the crude, cold empty fucking of porn stars or the drunken Friday evenings one night stand, but real, meaningful, sensual, arousing, full-on physical, sex. For me I wish to assassinate the toffee nosed poncy Middle English limp wristed moron who coined the phrase “Making Love!” Urgh, utter drivel of those destined to be forever virgin, I hate hate hate that term, it’s cringing, and inaccurate.

Mating, conjoining spirits, soul touching are just a few of my own terms; mating needs to always go hand in hand with the utmost of sensuality and any connection at all with your partner will do but there must be one; I always believe sex between best friends was a very beautiful and charitable affair, very giving and honest to nature, there’s nothing wrong with it.  

There is so much to consider that sex truly is rocket science and it takes real intellect to grasp even the basics.  For me, a woman’s body is an absolute nerve centre and an undiscovered country rolled into one; as sensitive as she may be so shall her partner be also so tend to the needs; now I appreciate this is sounding highly Heterosexual because that’s how I swing, however, in all these acts, be it Hetro’ or Homo’ the science and accordance is somewhat similar.

Even when undressing, hair to place behind her ear with a gentle finger, a kiss on her forehead, helps when you’re taller, but at 6 foot 1 this isn’t a problem for me personally. Compliment your partners beauty, take your time, she isn’t a Christmas present wrapped in thin paper, but a human being whose shedding her shielding. I am personally very Vanilla and feel rough sex is OK but only when the moment calls for it, so here I’ll take my time.

The naked skin of a woman is like the softness of warm sand between your toes, somewhere far away; sometimes I wish I had been born a Lesbian; there is sensuality in feminine skin as there is fruit’s in a forest.  Touch skin with fingers, lips and above all else, touch with each other, everywhere there can be a sensation of touch.

There is nothing more lovingly neutral than lying down, naked, together in the moment of caress, absolute biological equality should be allowed to tender further to feel and experience each other. 

 

Sexuality should never be thought of in utter extremes, colouring the grey in between the black and the white should be the utmost number one goal of any man or loving partner; I for one have always been more satisfied creating pleasure than receiving it; but then again, if that is so then I gain pleasure from creating it, so the equation is thus balanced out. 

Penetration...

It doesn’t matter if it is the vagina of a woman from a man’s penis or the anus of a man for his gay lover, or the lesbian fingers, strap-on and/or other penetrating instrument utilised; penetration of another’s body is absolute.  I think too many people do not understand the enormity of that situation; for me, as a man, inside a woman, means exactly that, the inside of the physical embodiment of another human being; can there be any other moment as incredible as that?

It is here that the most wonderful thing nature ever granted us in ability and practice comes into play; human sexual pleasure, the absolute binding force of the progression of the species which is for the homosapien, an absolute gift.  And that’s exactly how lovers should treat each other, like a precious gift. 

For me, my partner’s pleasure and fulfilment is the absolute goal of the whole exercise, inside a woman is the utmost practice of trust on my behalf and thus should be returned with respect and honesty.

Men listen up, when she says stop, you stop, when she says go faster, you go faster, when she says don’t stop, well, you have a mind for control, then control it and keep going.  This isn’t to assume of course that men in my view are obedient puppies; they have a part to play in this as well, by being men; I am of the old fashioned order of things and don’t believe in men wearing eye liner nor shaving their chests; men should be rugged, muscular, have hair and look like they can dig a road, work hard, earn an honest wage, carry the shopping and paint the house, when required to do so.

That same attitude applies in the bedroom, or the forest, the kitchen, the office, the beach or anywhere else; men should be hard, well erect, be meaningful and above all else make their presence felt, even when remaining gentle. If your partner wants you to be rough, aggressive and unrelenting than go for it, but always within reason and respect of rights.  

This is of course only my own personal perspective; I do not speak for all men, women and beasts and I know full well a good few who read this will be shaking their heads but many more I feel will agree to some extent. 

Remember the three R’s of great sex, Respect, Responsibility and Reality.  Once that equation has been achieved, there is a whole new world out there or right there within your partner.  

Sex is great, sex is absolutely wonderful, it is not a dirty word or something to giggle at but something to be practiced and indulged in. Education should say it like it is and always remain an open subject for discussion and debate; shying away from the inevitability of Mother Nature is dangerous and a fruitless practice.

Great sexual practice comes from just exactly that, practice!

Thank you for reading

VisionGhost©  

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Multiple Emotionality Disorder

I had it in my head on how to introduce this and I was very surprised to see that, “Emotionality” is actually a real word; so forgo my preplanned text with a word I thought I had exclusively invented over the weekend for myself.

So why the title, I watched a documentary recently on the subject of MPD, Multiple Personality Disorder or what is termed now as DID Disassociate Identity Disorder; all much of a muchness really.

From watching the programme, there was a scene where man who had been horrifically abused suddenly, mid flow through an interview, became, personality wise, a ten year old child, and then an emotionless person called Eugene, then a 7 year old child when in therapy.  It struck me that I exhibit a similar pattern, not in my personality, but in my immediate emotions. When I was much younger, a wee boy, my father made a point that I act like a child one minute and then very mature the next, even my voice would change tone, something which has followed me around all my life.

                

In work I find my mood flits from childlike one moment and then deadly serious the next, to almost neutral to something else, sometimes all three in the space of a matter of a couple of hours. 

I am more than convinced than my Asperger’s is something to do with it, hence today, now my second day at writing this I am feeling considerably neutral and my voice is monotone; it’s as if I actually don’t want to feel anything and am rather indifferent to my environment in the office today. I am hoping this isn’t a quiet before a storm or else just the mind sifting through time to get to the relaxation of Friday afternoon, be it today is Thursday 10^th January, almost to the end of a week which has felt like a month, though it has heightened my theory that the road of time is an elastic band, some days stretching the distance to be covered, other times more relaxed and placid.

Anyhow, I’ve digressed; one mood I have experienced in greater volume recently is love; much deeper over and beyond the recent Christmas period, it is the one emotion I find actually makes me emotional, the one emotion that ignites them all and I am most certainly feeling it; my partner, Pixie, and I have been together for over three years and she has seen it all in me.

The moods though have been a constant parallel in my life so far, up one minute, down the next, slightly to the left then three quarters to the right, North of North East then back again. 

                

Today, which is now my third day writing this, 14^th January; over the last 24 hours I’ve gone from uninspired, to downright lazy, to remorseful, to now in work feeling giddy and energetic, making silly jokes with my work team, all of one other person but I like it that way. So what mood I’ll be in within the next 30 minutes is anyone’s guess!   

Thank you for reading.  

VisionGhost©   

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