I had it in my head on how to introduce this and I was very surprised to see that, “Emotionality” is actually a real word; so forgo my preplanned text with a word I thought I had exclusively invented over the weekend for myself.
So why the title, I watched a documentary recently on the subject of MPD, Multiple Personality Disorder or what is termed now as DID Disassociate Identity Disorder; all much of a muchness really.
From watching the programme, there was a scene where man who had been horrifically abused suddenly, mid flow through an interview, became, personality wise, a ten year old child, and then an emotionless person called Eugene, then a 7 year old child when in therapy. It struck me that I exhibit a similar pattern, not in my personality, but in my immediate emotions. When I was much younger, a wee boy, my father made a point that I act like a child one minute and then very mature the next, even my voice would change tone, something which has followed me around all my life.
In work I find my mood flits from childlike one moment and then deadly serious the next, to almost neutral to something else, sometimes all three in the space of a matter of a couple of hours.
I am more than convinced than my Asperger’s is something to do with it, hence today, now my second day at writing this I am feeling considerably neutral and my voice is monotone; it’s as if I actually don’t want to feel anything and am rather indifferent to my environment in the office today. I am hoping this isn’t a quiet before a storm or else just the mind sifting through time to get to the relaxation of Friday afternoon, be it today is Thursday 10th January, almost to the end of a week which has felt like a month, though it has heightened my theory that the road of time is an elastic band, some days stretching the distance to be covered, other times more relaxed and placid.
Anyhow, I’ve digressed; one mood I have experienced in greater volume recently is love; much deeper over and beyond the recent Christmas period, it is the one emotion I find actually makes me emotional, the one emotion that ignites them all and I am most certainly feeling it; my partner, Pixie, and I have been together for over three years and she has seen it all in me.
The moods though have been a constant parallel in my life so far, up one minute, down the next, slightly to the left then three quarters to the right, North of North East then back again.
Today, which is now my third day writing this, 14th January; over the last 24 hours I’ve gone from uninspired, to downright lazy, to remorseful, to now in work feeling giddy and energetic, making silly jokes with my work team, all of one other person but I like it that way. So what mood I’ll be in within the next 30 minutes is anyone’s guess!
Thank you for reading.