Saturday, 15 December 2012


So here I am. 33 years and 11 months old at time 20:52 GMT on the 15th December 2012; less than 6 days until the Mayan prophesised ending of the world; which seems somewhat ironic as approximately a month ago my world truly began; yes, began at age 33, 10 months sometime in November, when after taking the test over and over again; approximately half a dozen times, I tested positive for Asperger Syndrome, the little known social and neurological condition that scientists even recently can’t decide where on the Autistic Spectrum it truly belongs, no thanks to the DSM. So not a moment after I have a psychological identity to my mental schematic that they go and change it, titles are words and words are boundless so let’s for now stick to what we have which this; I am an Aspie.

Below is a pictorial demonstration of the world I lived and still live in and will continue to live in until I am dead...

It was an indistuingiuishable sensation to a reaction I could not put an immediate terminology upon that could accurately ascertain how I felt when I got the AQ (Autistic Quotient) that finally settled over 33 years of pain, depression, alcohol addiction, loneliness, social incongruency and lack of self recognition, I guess instantaneous shock which quickly subsided to the fathoming that I had just trodden upon the stepping stone that swallows up the ocean and suddenly my feet found for the first time, solid grounding.   
For some reason it feels almost personally fruitless to provide multiple and/or layered adjectives toward something that so many Aspies in so many pre-existing blogs to mine own do so much the same, as to describe/explain what Asperger Syndrome is, I feel the best way would be to allow another persons work do the job for me, below is a link to what I could see is the best and simplest edit of what AS is...

For me personally I could almost sit back and tell the world; I told you so, but tell them what? Other than I somehow knew I didn’t fit in, that I could fathom resolution when others couldn’t, that bright lights bothered me, that noisy environments pissed me off, that I hate to be mocked or disagreed with, that I utterly detest small talk, that the repeat play of life bores the hell out of me.

For example, I walk into work on a Monday, a Tuesday, a Wednesday, a Thursday or a Friday and my boss says to me “Morning!” and yet if I didn’t joyfully repeat back what he had just said there was an issue, yet there are 5 working days in the weeks of the year that’s 52x5=260 mornings, where this pointless exchange takes place, assuming the days holidays are not considered in this demonstration and furthermore, I have a keeper of the time called a mobile phone (Cell phone for all others) so why do I need to be greeted, reminded and bored to death but then sent to the gallows when repatriated with such enthusiasm of something I am already aware of, don’t much care about, is irrelevant to its constant occurrence and yet seemingly so honoured by NTs. NTs? Neurotypicals, the everyday folk of the Aspie’s world that we must tolerate, unfortunately, me as well.

For me now life is considerably more clarified and continues to fathom clarity yet doesn’t get much easier when you realise that the chapter and verse of diagnosis, means to some extent segment oneself to the truth of the matter but not the ease of the burden.  It’s like having a headache for a month, painkillers only do so much until you find out you have a brain tumour, it, as with Asperger Syndrome, opens up a whole new garden of new and future pathways, some good, some bad. For example, I’ve always had a problem with bright lights, I used to put up with until I ended up in such a mood I was intolerable, now I know why, so in work I started wearing dimmers (similar to sunglasses) but now have to explain to work colleagues that it’s the lights that are bothering me and no I am not trying to set an internalised cool fashion trend, all this without letting slip I have Asperger Syndrome as a few in my work would have a clue what that is, nor have I the patience to deal with not only the ignorance but constant questioning, giggling and mockery, for example, the infamous and grossly unhelpful “Ass Burger” episode of South Park, written by ignorant NTs for ignorant NTs, yet utterly found to be offensive and scornful by the knowledgeable Aspie’s, why? Because NTs simply do not understand Asperger Syndrome nor do they even appear to want to understand it and thus it’s a waste of time, breathe and energy trying to educate them. However, I am speaking only of the majority of NTs, there are of course NTs who are Psychologists, Doctors, Professors etc and other higher intelligent persons to whom one can turn to as their education means they know more than the average.    

This is only an introduction and I mean only to simply use this platform as a manner of saying hello; I wish the purpose of future blogs to communication with fellow Aspies and education persons who wish to open their minds to what it is to be an Aspie; also to demonstrate personally how I see the world, bring about discussion as much as I can, I feel it important that if we are truly 1 in 25 to the power hundred of populous existence then we all need to shout louder.  

Thank you for reading. 


No comments:

Post a Comment